Fun on a big black rock.
ADVENTURES #5: TENERIFE (PART 1)
Sitting down to write up the thoughts and memories accumulated during a holiday is always bitter sweet. A sign that a lovely time was had I suppose. I added to the bitterness with some excellent coffee I picked up on the last day, and I recommend a hot drink for yourself too, as unfortunately I have rambled on far too long, and you might need caffeine.
Other than a brief jaunt across the channel to Brussels, Lottie and I have only had adventures in the UK since 2018, so as this summer rolled around, and we were thinking of what to do for a holiday our thoughts invariably drifted overseas. Unfortunately, flights alone are incredibly expensive during the summer holidays, and adding accommodation for any substantial chunk of time (a week in our case) made the prospect of enjoying foreign shores and the sun that shines upon them much less attainable. At this point, our holiday saviours enter the picture. Lottieās aunt and uncle just so happen to own an apartment in the south of Tenerife - and more importantly, it just so happened to be vacant at the exact time we were looking to go somewhere. This meant that we just had to find the money for our flights, spending money, and a little bit to cover the costs of using the apartment, and after whispering assuring words to our savings accounts and booking the flights for the 1st of August, the holiday was a GO!
Day 1:
Unlike past holidays, the flights for this one were booked just two weeks before we were set to fly, which somewhat lessened the build-up, although we were sure weād be going somewhere at least. This did, however give the fortnight prior a rather impulsive air (possible name for an airline, if anyone is looking for one). This meant that, as unpractised as we were, that certain things needed to be thought of, such as a new passport for Lottie, and recalling where exactly I had stored the ball I like to play with in the pool. Youāll be relieved to hear that both of these problems were solved in short order, and after borrowing a case (we needed one of those too), we got to work packing just a day before departure, as well as picking up some Euros, and enjoying the fact that we neednāt concern ourselves with the wellbeing of our fish, as they have long since vacated the premises (RIP). Once all the packing was complete, and after a rather stereotypical session of sitting on the case to zip it closed, we Chucklebrothered the case down the stairs of our flat and heaved it into the back of my little car (almost bending the rear door off in the process). Once the case was secured, and after double-double checking we had everything, we drove on up to the long stay carpark at Gatwick Airport. We had reservations about driving, normally opting for the train, but with the timings of our return flights and the cost of train tickets, it was far easier and cheaper to drive, which is of course a ridiculous situation - anyway, once we found a space amongst the vast ocean of cars, all of which seemed somewhat miffed to have been left out of their owners holiday plans, we jumped aboard the transfer bus, which just so happened to pull up as we parked - off to a good start!
The transfer was brief and easy, there only being a handful of other travellers on board, and after about ten minutes, we were wheeling our pink titan of a case towards the airport entrance and into the lift up to luggage check-in. This too was quite stress free, there being at least fifty self check-in computers to choose from. Bit sad for the people whose jobs they took, but the zig-zag queue went down quick, and we only had to awkwardly stand next to the same group of people over and over again for a short while. Once we were free of the weighty case, we went through the motions of security and strolled on through to the concourse, which was jam packed with people sitting and waiting. We too thought we had plenty of time to peruse the shops, but the two and a half hours we had seemed to disappear in Wagamamaās somehow. This seemed to me like an excellent way to spend the time, beer in one hand, chopsticks in the other, but Lottie wanted to look around - she got to, but the looking around was mainly for the gate we were suddenly due to be at. This rush, as usual was for naught, as once we arrived at the gate, sweet fuck all was happening, and a long wait began. This did give Lottie enough time to pop back to find a WHSmith for some water, a word search book, and for us both to get something from the nearby vending machine. We both chose a Twix, but mine mysteriously disappeared - perhaps itās still there, lurking about, waiting for an opportune moment to be eaten by some weary traveller. I ate Lottieās on the plane - which we eventually boarded about half an hour later. When booking our flights we decided not to choose seats next to each other as the price for such a thing is extortionate, but at luck would have it, we were sat next to each other both there and back, and double luck, we had the exit over the wing each time, which afforded us precious leg room. Jokes on you easyJet. Once finding our seats, we settled in for a four and a half hour flight. A short trip to some, but probably the longest flight either of us have done, the next longest for me being a return flight from Romania. The perception of time shifts with age of course, and in your mid thirties, hours pass like minutes, and the whole experience flew (ha-ha) by. This was aided by said Twix, a couple of coffees, a pot of Pringles, and a big bag of chocolate fingers.
We disembarked the plane around 9:20pm and enjoyed the twilight warmth of the island as the mass of passengers before us piled themselves onto the first transfer bus. We waited for the second, and enjoyed a much roomier drive to the airport, through control, and on to baggage claim. One British couple ahead of us could be heard bickering as we searched for our case - clearly we hadnāt flown far enough away from Old Blighty. They continued their argument in the distance as we searched, and there laying sadly by itself on the conveyer belt was the pink beast, and after getting it upright again, we rolled it through the airport and up the escalators towards the exit. There the bickering couple reappeared and amused us with their drama until we reached the exit and passed into the din beyond. In the intervening time since landing, night had fallen, and the airport exterior was a buzz with coaches, taxis, and holidaymakers darting about. We were hoping to get a bus to our location, as it was only about fifteen minutes away, but they stopped an hour or so prior to our arrival, so we turned around and made for the taxi rank. The bickering couple appeared again, and we thought that perhaps we might be cursed to see them for the entire week, but it seemed they had a more recreational holiday planned, and after getting in our taxi, we never saw them again, although we often wondered how their holiday might have been going, and what kind of drugs they were probably taking.
After getting settled in the taxi, we gave the driver the address and sat back to soak up the sights as we sped across the darkened streets. We saw an IKEA, and an ambulance - very exciting. As we neared the Golf Del Sur (which was the area we were staying in), the driver asked for confirmation of the address. There was some slight confusion then as he entered it into his satnav. Lottie noticed that what was meant to be about a three minute drive was showing as almost two hours on his screen, so using our broad retinue of Spanish words (hello and thank you), we guided him the rest of the way mostly using hand gestures. Despite the difficulties with directions, the driver did manage to tell me that a moped smashed up the back of his car the day before. I thought for that alone he deserved a tip. Luckily we managed to get ourselves dropped off within meters of the apartment block we were staying at, and after paying the cabbie, we simply crossed the road and entered the grounds. There we were greeted with a beautiful pool and our apartment for the week just beyond it, and after a little bit of nosing around, we circled the building and entered through the foyer and front door.
Finally arriving at your destination is a feeling of great relief, even if your travels have been easy (ours certainly were), and in this relief we took a moment to settle in, getting the water and electricity on, and finding our bearings in the apartment. We also couldnāt resist a night time swim either, and after a quick dip we returned to the apartment to find that our stomachs were rumbling, not having been offered sustenance in a few hours. It was a little past 11pm by the time we had dried ourselves off, and the closest shop closed at half past. We had no choice however, we needed snacks. After putting some shoes on, we hurried out the door and down the road to a Corovan (basically a Happy Shopper) and arrived with about ten minutes to spare. We loaded up on strange biscuits, new juices, exotic crisps, and mindbogglingly cheap beer. After loading up, we hurried back home, stuck on some Spanish telly, and gorged ourselves until we could no longer keep our eyes open. Ceiling fan on, lights out.
Day 2:
The next morning, we woke around 9:30. A bit later than we had anticipated, but we were both tired from the day before. The first morning of a holiday is something to behold, and the pleasure of this was not wasted on us. Lazily we gathered ourselves, and pottered around in investigation of our surroundings. We left the apartment around 10:30am and took in the sights, stopping off as a little shop to browse the touristy bits and bobs, and after buying some little things, we moved on to the next, equipping ourselves with much needed ice cream. Lottie said it was rather early for such an indulgence, but was quickly convinced that that kind of thinking was barmy. After enjoying these, we had a quick nose around one of the more famous hotels in the area. Iām not sure itās the sort of place neither of us would ever want to stay at, but it was somewhat interesting to look inside. Itās built to look like a Disneyesque castle, and was absolutely rammed with families. As we explored however, we did find that they had an on-site arcade, and we thought that perhaps just one game of table-football wouldnāt go amiss. The tossing thing stole my Euro.
We departed soon after that, and left the sweaty kingdom behind. We walked across to the next area over from where we were staying, called San Blas. There we found more shops and restaurants, but as we were there quite early, it was like some set from a spaghetti western. The structures there looked oddly fresh, and identical in design, and the lack of people only added to the oddness. This didnāt stop us enjoying a browse however, and it was actually quite nice to be the only ones looking around, although we felt slightly in the way as some of the proprietors hadnāt even finished opening their shops yet and many were still wheeling their wares out onto the streets. Amongst these, Lottie found a new hat, and amazingly, as I like to crowbar in some gaming chat when possible, I found a basket of videogames for sale in a charity shop there - scrapings from the bottom of a barrel would have made for a more interesting collection to sift through though- there was even a Little Britain UMD amongst the dross for Christ sake, that sort of thing is best avoided.
We decided from there to continue our walk along the coast after looking around, at least until hunger and thirst drew us back to the supermarket. There they have a chain called HiperDino, which has a dinosaur as its mascot. I donāt know why, but I do approve. Reminded me of a PS1 era mascot, perhaps he could be chums with Croc? Anyway, we loaded up on more supplies there (not just crisps this time), and wandered back to the apartment, working up our appetites some more. When we got back, we made ourselves some lunch, and after that we sat by the pool, occasionally quenching ourselves in the beautiful clear water. This bliss continued until sunset when we returned to the apartment once more, making a little pasta dish for dinner.
Once we had eaten and showered, we got dressed again and went out for a night time adventure. We took the road to San Blas during the day, but wanted to go along the coast at night, listening to the crashing waves as we walked. We got to the square too late this time, and found that the place was again quite quiet. Luckily we had only gone for a drink, and the waitress in the restaurant we chose said we had just enough time for that. Lottieās boss had given us instructions to enjoy a cocktail on him, and so we ordered a couple of PiƱa Coladas and did indeed enjoyed them. We did not get caught in any rain however, as during August, Tenerife apparently has a 90% chance of perfect sunny weather, and an average rainfall of about 0-3mm according to some websites. And actually, during the whole week, we barely even saw any clouds, which is an incredible change from England. After our drinks, we wandered back to the apartment again and watched a little bit of the Olympics on the telly (Spanish commentary made it more fun).
DAY 3:
The next day we were out about 10am and we decided to explore the coastal path again, this time in daylight. This of course couldnāt occur without stopping off at the Corovan again for more supplies - as is tradition. After getting juiced up (with fruit juice), we made for the path and soaked up the beautiful scenery. The coast east from where we were staying is somewhat limited in terms of traditional beaches, and is very rocky for the most part, at least until youāre a few miles away. This meant that while a swim was a little harder, excellent views were available by the bucket load, and many photos were taken as we headed east. We didnāt make it very far before we got hungry again however, so we stopped at a little cafĆ© on the cliffs and ordered some smoothies and pastries. There we met a lovely local and her dog (no idea what the woman was called, but her dog was called Sophia). She (the woman not the dog) gave us some useful information about buses and places to visit - she also refers to England as Greyland, and Tenerife as Dreamland, the former at least seeming to be incredibly appropriate, especially considering the lousy summer weāve had.
After enjoying our drinks and having a few games of Shithead, we continued on our way, making for a nearby fishing village called Los Abrigos. First stop upon arrival was a shop, this time just for water, and once we were hydrated, we got to exploring. The village is very small, but has a lovely waterside, with a little harbour which it seemed most of the locals were swimming in. There we saw a wedding taking place in the local church, and found several little shops to explore - all very quaint. Once we had finished our snooping, we were in need of sustenance and decided to eat overlooking the harbour. The village is apparently known for seafood, as the menus seemed to be a thing of pride for the restaurateurs there. Unfortunately, we being as unsophisticated as we are, we just wanted to share a pizza and some chips. This didnāt seem to be an issue, as we were given another menu. After picking what we wanted and waiting ten or so minutes, talking and enjoying our drinks, Lottie noticed a pizza delivery man approach, and joked that it was perhaps our dinner. The delivery man walked past us and into the kitchen, emerging a minute later with an empty box. Shortly after this, our pizza arrived at our table. It was delicious, and amused us greatly as the same thing occurred to the family next to us some minutes later. Good pizza, but perhaps we should try the seafood next time, as clearly they arenāt interested enough in pizza to cook it in-house.
We decided to walk back a little more speedily after our meal, having stopped for lots of photos on the way there. The walk back was just as picturesque, but we needed to be back in time to shower and dress for our afternoon plans, which were to go on a trip. The day before, we found a excursion booker in San Blas and got ourselves booked on a Teide under the Stars trip, which involves taking a coach up into the mountains, stopping for dinner at a vineyard, and continuing up after dark to view the night sky and to have astronomical sights explained by an expert. This was something we had heard about and was rather excited to do, so after getting ready, we headed down to the aforementioned Disneyesque hotel to be picked up by the coach. It was a little late, but we enjoyed sitting in the sun regardless. Once it arrived, we boarded and the tour began almost immediately (we being the last to be picked up). Slowly we wove through the streets, gradually gaining altitude as we made for the Mirador de Juan Evora, a point of interest on Mt Teide. Our included stop off was at a vineyard around half way, and as we pulled in we were shepherded inside to find a rather cosy and homely interior. It had an unmistakable feeling of family, which was evident in the way our hosts interacted with each other and their guests. There we were given a three course meal, and several generous glasses of wine. The food as homely as the environment, and delicious too, as was the wine, but the whole experience felt just a little rushed. We had enough time to eat, but barely time to breathe between courses, and after the plates were cleared, we had but minutes to explore the farm, to take photographs of the view, or to enjoy the fleeting sunset. Not to mention having a piss!
After the meal, we were asked to board the coach again, and the rest of our ascent continued into nightfall. I quite like a coach drive by night, and joked to Lottie that I could be on it for hours and enjoy a nice kipā¦ I think I might have regretted saying that shortly after. Anyway, by about 10pm we reached our destination and disembark to begin our stargazing. The sky was beautifully clear, and our guide was incredibly knowledgeable in his field, and pointed out celestial bodies with his giant green laser pointer. Despite the knowledgeable talk, I was desperate to get a look through a telescope, having seen them in some of the advertising material, and after about twenty minutes, I began to suspect that weād be moving on to the good stuff shortly, having spotted a structure just ahead that looked perfect for housing telescopes. Lottie and I were just wondering how the turns would be given when our guide said that we had a minute or two to enjoy the view before we had to get back onto the coach. Tour over! We had been taken to a car park, which was continually flooded with light from passing vehicles (resetting our vision every few minutes), and had a bunch of yahoos jabbering around a campfire just within earshot. The structure we saw ahead was for a ethnographic museum, which we werenāt allowed to go to - no telescopes at all. Those were apparently for the much better trip we werenāt told about until after. Once we boarded the coach again, I got my wish, and we had a three and a half hour drive back to our drop off point, which meant that we spent about five and a half hours on a coach for an hour meal and half an hour sat in a carpark, all for the low low price of ā¬150. We enjoyed ourselves for the most part, but didnāt feel it was worth the money, not when far better trips are available (ones with telescopes and toilets, for example). But to be fair to the universe, the photo below doesnāt do the view justice.
DAY 4:
After our late night we indulged in another lazy morning, doing some washing (the drying time of clothes there beggars belief, and is actually more exciting than stargazing when you have no outside space to hand your clothes at home) and popping to the shop again, as somehow we needed even more food! Before that, we went looking for another excursion booker, and we found one just down the road from us in a hotel complex. This was unfortunately where we learned more about the lack of quality in the tour we had booked (which was confirmed the night before in some of the reviews we found), and we learned more about the much better one. A man staying there told the tour booker to stop talking about it because we had already made our mistake, he also told his wife that we were in the queue in front of them, but neither she or the booker would listen, and he very much enjoyed imitating their chattiness. He apologised for the cut in, but he wasnāt the only one, as another tourist before them took ages, and someone else cut in while we were paying for a boat trip we had decided to book for later in the week. All in all, it was a very long hour, but ultimately productive. The booker coined a term for the Golf Del Dur which she mentioned while sorting out our trip, dubbing it Wind and Planes - luckily we were already here, as that wouldnāt have sold it to me, although the wind is actually pleasant and the planes are no bother.
After all that we got ourselves a drink and wandered back to the apartment. Once we were settled, we decided to spend the rest of the day around the pool, reading, swimming, sunbathing, eating pastries, listening to music, and playing with that ball I mentioned at the beginning. As night fell, we cooked a pizza, cracked open a bottle of wine, and listened to some music as we enjoyed the evening air. After that, I decided to go for a night time swim, and we sat by the pool again, comparing the sky to that which we saw from the heights of Mt Teide. It was certainly better on the mountain, but still would have been better had we been able to use a telescopeā¦ After the dip, we went back to the balcony and enjoyed an apple pie thing while Lottie did some word searching and I listened to music.
Iām chopping this post in half due to excessive and unnecessary detail - click the link below for part two!
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